Humans of the female variety

Hiya dudes and dudettes.

Ok, my first post officially but been reading and helping my hubby post. Even gave him a name here that doesn't fit as figured like most boating forums he was older than average and here he isn't. So....

What led me to post was questions about the roles of women. We were just reading this book by Ken Williams "Cruising the Ocean Under Power" all about the big Nordhavn group crossing and one thing said in there brought up my question for all of you.

He talked about how he and his wife had the same boating passion. Well, Brett and I do as well. We take courses together. We both do all the things on the boat pretty equally. I do tie knots better than him. Well, he's a better accountant. But what they observed and what we have observed is it seems like in most cases the wives and girlfriends are sort of dragged along and not into it nearly as much. Sure a ....'in shame in my mind. Now I know many here are captains and engineers so not unusual to have different job interests. But still, I mean this site is so heavy guys. I see Judy and a couple more and although she's in the business I get the feeling she's like a real boater. My heroine.

So other females on here, speak up. And those who aren't on here need to get your butts (see I did self censor) in gear and learn it's so wonderful and enjoy like your man does. I mean I don't understand being in it half way. Lie the whole woman is admiral, man is captain stuff in so many of the great loop books. As if woman just says do and man does. Well, actually we have a male and female couple who are captains and not captain/stew like many. And seriously, I don't get it. Dudes, is this the way it is in your family. Now I know some of you been through a few wives and down on that deal but maybe that's part of it, find a girl who likes this.

To me, the whole ....'in world changes on water. You see it all different. You come to a port by land and by water and you see a whole different place. You go offshore and, at least till the storm brews, there's a peacefulness. The whole world is suddenly right. All the crap back on land is gone. I mean to just be out there holding each other, hope this is ok to say....but making love on the sea and under the stars even....Yeah, stuff can go wrong but still it's a life to dream of and one I feel so blessed to be able to do. And in our case it's something we enjoy so much together. A passion we share. One of my fave words, passion. That's what makes life. Not just in a sexual way. Passion as in loving life. Whatever it's for. Omg I see dudes here so passionate about restoring old boats and not my thing for sure, but I feel their passion. I see you guys taking photos at shows and even canals and the Chesapeake. It's so cool. I feel your passion in them.

So, tell me about wives and gf's and how they fit. About girls (I don't mind the word, I always intend to be a girl, young at heart) who are here or not here but those maybe who have the love for it all.

Ok, I'm as long winded as my man today. But I've just been wondering about this as he posted and I read. So felt it time for me to jump in. God I love the water, boating, the sun and the sea. I even love fixing the lines, navigating, reading charts, even docking. Yep I'm freaky a bit. The end for now....hehe

Well, it's just nice that we share a lot of the same passions. The water just being a huge one. My hubby is the tame one. When we met he was Mr. Innocent, Shy, Uptight. Let's just say I wasn't......

Now the navigating, he is a detailed guy. Reading radar though, I'm better at knowing what I'm seeing faster. You mention docking and although he's great and been doing it longer than me, there is actually a physiological reason. It pertains to our fingers and hands and small movements. I don't know all the science involved but it's the same skills of sewing and needlepoint and such, although I don't do those, never have, never will. Just like skills that are dependent more on muscles, guys have the advantage generally. We're so funny. We get home from being on the water a month. We take a day to go to the office. Then next day we're out, just the two of us, cruising the canals or running to Miami for lunch. We're a bit insane, although haven't been certified, but instead of getting in the car and running to a restaurant five minutes away, we'll get in the boat and take 30 minutes and use a lot more fuel. We have sports cars and we like them, but we're not passionate about them.

The maritime school thing sort of confirmed sticking to the stereotypes though. So many girls wanting to be stews and so few to be captains. And you know even if the girl doesn't want to captain I'd still think she could see the joy of boats and want to participate. My hubby grew up boating but I didn't. He corrupted and addicted me to it. We both love reading stories about it too. We aren't sailors but we love even their stories. We actually read together in bed a lot, sometimes just on the Kindle but other times we'll flash it up on the slightly oversized flat screen and read it together before we fall asleep. Right now it's "The Plastic Butterfly." Omg the canals sound beautiful but all the freaking locks. Sure don't get anywhere fast.

Erie Canal is like a racetrack compared to the Canals Lateral de la Garonne and Midi. We're still very early in the book so I don't know how the rest will be. But we've read books of those doing the Erie Canal routine. We hurry some days and move like snails others. We don't have any fixed schedule. If weather holds us somewhere then we make the most and explore. We research in advance so have long lists of things to see or do in each port and that's without the tips you pick up on the trip and then once there. And we have such varied tastes. We might talk to cruisers in their 70's and learn their favorite place and go there (as the youngest there) but then hit the club the dock girl mentioned and party with her and her friends there (as the oldest couple there). Just finished 'Life's a Ditch" and loved their attitude as they did the ICW. Boating isn't for those who are going to stress over schedules and go haywire with every problem. When we were stuck in Panama City, there was some couple just like totally freaked because they couldn't go and cursing their captain. It's like the buffoons who curse in the airport when they say they can't board due to the weather. We kept wishing the captain would tell them where to put their boat and leave them stranded.

It's really simple, "When in Doubt, Don't." We'd never ask our captains to do something they felt was unwise. On the other hand, even if they were comfy, but we just were hesitant, then we'd just not. It's freakin' "pleasure boating" and doin' stupid s.... is stupid.

Well, I think I've figured some of it out now too. We're more trawler types in terms of personalities and such than major yachties. We aren't drawn to trawlers as our boats as we like faster and want at least one bigger. But you see more congenial couples and families living the trawler life. Partly more affordable and we don't tend to gravitate toward the super rich. Our boats are for pleasure for us and our friends who we think of as family. Not to show off, not for entertaining clients or business crap. We're the type to welcome friends to our home or our home on the water, tell them to make themselves at home. They make themselves at home and if they want a snack or drink, they go get it. They help clear the table. They talk to us while we grill on deck. They even occasionally cook. Carmen loves to cook us latin feasts. Our captains are the fresh fish preparers. Jennifer is good at scooping ice cream and fixes some mean drinks. In marinas we connect to those more often on the trawlers as we sit and talk We don't invite them over for white linen meals but we ask if they want to join us for a cookout on our boat. We have them over with their kids to watch a movie and eat popcorn. They tell us about their favorite restaurant in town and we join them. But I'm that way at home I guess. I don't throw fancy catered dinner parties. I live on the freakin' water, I don't dress up in my Versace and do formal. We do have some nice feasts by the pool and inside though. But far more inclined to be wearing bathing suits and bikinis than evening gowns. When we're at home we have friends over every weekend. But they don't get some engraved invitations and there's not some elaborate plan. They just know we're home and we talk about what we're doing. A couple will say, "we'll be over Sunday" and we say, "Well, we're going to get the boat out and go to Miami if the weather's good so better be there by 8. Or just come Saturday night and stay over.

Maybe that's part of my answer that a lot of the women in yachting want to be waited on hand and foot and do nothing. Boring. I don't know. Still shocks me that the only woman I know on here is Miss Super Trawler, Judy. But she's the type you'd like to have in your home or sit around and talk to. And she's a boater.

If you find it boring, don't read it. Simple.

Or perhaps you might even consider contributing something. Oh no. Easier to Zzzzzzz.

Do you have a view on women in yachting?

YF might actually benefit from having some female participants. Oh and believe it or not we do play a role in the purchase decisions including patronizing the forum sponsors.

Ralph. You contributed to the thread. I'm not sure you got to see the remark I was responding to but it just made no sense to me to go to a thread and post nothing but "Zzzzzz". The thread was started with good intent to open up a discussion. Wondering about those who are married and if their wives share their enthusiasm. Certainly surprised at the lack of women here. Honestly trying to learn what some of those factors are.

I'm not crusading for anything either. Frankly, I just think a lot of women are missing the boat.

Sounds great GFC and she's more than ain't half bad looking, she's hot. Sounds to me like the two of you have a great time on the water. Glad she gave it a chance and found out how great it can be. So much more fun participating plus having another person who can do a few things makes it easier and safer.

Glad to hear it. That's the info I was looking for. I also think that's the size boat you see more women participating equally. A lot more on trawlers. I think part of it is those boats are easily handled by two. Not one, but not a crew required. One has to dock and one has to man the lines. On the larger yachts perhaps they're more apt to just live the life of luxury as passengers.

They say you spend time on a boat as a couple and you'll either get closer or divorced. I think when the woman enjoys boating, it's closer. Then instead of saying "Sell the boat" after a rough day at sea, she joins you in complete exhaustion but pride at how well as a team you handled it. Some days at our request our Captain will do nothing but observe us and be prepared to step in if necessary, not let us get into trouble. One of those days not long ago it got rougher as we were out and the inlet wasn't easy nor was docking. But, omg, we were so tired but it felt so good to know that we could do it all and darn well, too. (Now we do have thrusters...hehe). Toughest was having the nerve to surf through the inlet right. But we'd been taught and learned. Docking not so bad because we've docked smaller boats for years in rough conditions. Docking when it's just wind and current is still easier than docking with wind, current and a bunch of ski boats causing wake in all directions. We were so totally exhausted but it was such a good exhaustion. And to share it all together.....omg.....YES