Mild Hogs Motorcycle Trip...

Mild Hogs Motorcycle Trip​

It only took 22 years to break the shackles of the keyboard and check-off about the only item on my bucket list... a motorcycle trip thru Colorado, Wyoming and Montana. The trip took 2 weeks and we covered 2500 miles. I did the trip with a group of friends who are also in their 60s and we feared we may not be able to hold our bikes upright if we waited any longer! Our trip started in Steamboat Springs, CO where we loaded the bikes on a trailer and towed them up to Wyoming, just outside Yellowstone National Park. Here's a pic of the Mild Hogs; two trying to turn back the biological clock with BMW canyon carvers and one forum admin longing to live in the analogue age.

One bike on the bed, two bikes on the tote. More straps than a spider webbed boat in a hurricane. Arrived in Wyoming just outside the entrance to Yellowstone. Got the bikes unloaded and headed up to Teton Village before getting to our hotel in Jackson Hole. A bug was kind enough to fly into my eye at the outset of the trip. Kept my visor down from that point on.

Requisite shot of the Grand Tetons in the background. Pictures of the Tetons can't come close to grasping the scale of these mountains. The landscape of Yellowstone is diverse; Bison, bears and elk roam freely among other wildlife like Bubba and his 5th wheel camper.

The following day we set-out to tame the Beartooth Scenic Bypass, one of the most scenic drives in the country with switchbacks and elevation changes that would humble the most seasoned rider. Add elements from mother nature and your riding skills are soon replaced with survival skills. At around 11,000 feet a cloud moved in and it was a complete white-out. We waited for it to pass but it was starting to rain so we slowly made our way back down the mountain. Before the cloud, our speeds were in the 50 to 60 mph range. Post cumulus, we barely broke 15 to 20 mph.

The cloud was a clue of the chilling ride ahead. The temp dropped from low 70s to high 40s inside 30 minutes, then the rain turned to pelting hail. I had long a sleeve shirt on plus a leather jacket but still got bruises on my arms. This went on for about 60 minutes before we finally arrived at our cabin and found the heater wasn't working. Took an hour stop shaking! My last name may be Camper, but I am NOT! We ditched the KOA and gladly over paid for a motel in Red Lodge, Montana

The following day we left Red Lodge and plotted a course for Bozeman, MT which would put us on the interstate for about 100 miles. In Florida, it’s best to avoid interstates unless you like the taste of hospital food. In Montana, people actually drive like civilized human beings and it was an uneventful interstate ride, albeit slightly under the posted speed limit of 80 mph! After fueling up both bike and body in Bozeman, we headed south to Big Sky, MT., one of the many scenic routes we would ride. Lots of great fly fishing along the river that traces the highway down to Big Sky. And here's a fish out of water; a Florida boy in cowboy country...

From Big Sky we rode south to Jackson Hole; home to a few cowboys, a bunch of billionaires and some seriously overpriced real estate. Jackson is a very touristy town and a nice place to visit, but the Zillow math doesn't add up until you look at the (republican) elephant in the room. A whopping 97% of the 3,826,407 acres in Teton County are federally owned or state managed, including Grand Teton National Park. Only 3% of the land in the Jackson Hole area is privately owned.

Being a tourist trap, Jackson is home to a bunch of t-shirt stores so I made a contribution. Now I'm a human billboard. This is known as Antler Arch and I soon developed a sensitivity to mating calls from Elk.

From downtown Jackson you can see the ski slopes which is my preferred method of interacting with them. I'm not only a human billboard, I'm a human snowball when it comes to downhill sports.

We left Jackson, loaded the bikes up and drove back to Steamboat where we took a couple days to recover from monkey butt. If you're not familiar with this term, try riding 200-300 miles a day for several days and you'll have a better understanding. My view for most of the trip was very analogue. Nothing digital with the exception of a communication headset manufactured by Sena Technologies that gave up the ghost two days into our ride.

Spent the better part of a week battling tech support at Sena who reluctantly stood behind their product. Got online and found others encountered the same experience. For the rest of the trip, I had no communication with fellow riders. No music. No phone. WAIT... what am I complaining about??? I've never used YF as a podium to disparage a manufacturer but later learned that Sena also makes comsets for marine applications, so here's a subtle suggestion... BUY ANOTHER BRAND!

After a three day layover in Steamboat, still battling Sena in hopes of getting my faulty headset replaced before our next leg, I gave up on the company and we began our Colorado tour. After a 90 minute ride south and before getting on I-70 for an hour long sprint to Glenwood Springs, my geriatric friends with aging bladders had to seek relief and of all the places to stop… the Yacht Club Grill! What are the chances? Middle of nowhere, not a boat in sight.

It was early in the morning and the Yacht Club was closed so I took the opportunity to take a picture of my accomplice. For the uninitiated, it's a 2008 Honda VTX1800T. I had the identical bike for 20 years and sold it for lack of use. Bought this one last year, freshened it up and it will reside in Colorado where I've made a pact to return and explore roads less traveled.

Our next stop was Aspen but to get there you need to pass through Glenwood Canyon. I was riding so I couldn't take a picture. Here's an image I found on DDG...

Aspen is about 90 minutes south of Glenwood Springs. That put us about 4-5 hours of riding time for the day so I stopped in "my" pharmacy to search for monkey butt remedies.

Downtown Aspen is quaint, although pretentious. It's honestly reminiscent of every episode I've never watched of the Real Housewives of (insert city here). This pic of the Exxon gas station in Aspen best represents the city; clean, upscale and expensive.

Walking around downtown I spotted a vaguely familiar name. I think they have something to do with boats but there wasn't a dock to be found anywhere. Needless to say, it wasn't a busy branch office.

The next few days were spent exploring the mountains of southwest Colorado. We passed through Montrose, Marble, Gunnison, Buena Vista, Fairplay and finally Breckenridge on our return trip to Steamboat. We rode Cottonwood Pass and Independence Pass, the highest road in CO. All of these roads are amazing on a bike, or a good sports car of which we saw many. Tacoma’s and 4runners are some of the most popular vehicles in Colorado. As a T4R owner, it was nice to be among peers who value function and reliability over misplaced values.

My friends are on Beemers built to tame high speed sweepers. I'm on a cruiser built to make Harleys look like a relic of the cold war. It's not the best scoot for twisties, but it never let me down with the exception of some 2nd to 3rd mis-shifts which turned out to be a dirty pivot joint on my heel/toe shifter. A squirt of WD-40 is your friend.

I have more pics of these amazing roads winding through the mountains but instead of spoiling it for you, get a bike and go! As someone who has spent WAY too many years behind a keyboard, the best part of frozen fingers is not being able to type! That concludes my bucket list trip on a bike. Returning to writing about big boats that belch black smoke now. <end>