yacht and divorce

The whole system is messed up. Two people who no longer want to be together parting should be simple but it's not, and my the way it is set up, it is designed to be combative and ugly. I know those who handle it in a friendly way but few and far between. With over half the marriages ending in divorce seems like something is broken. My belief is a contract of some kind, not just a license. One that clearly covers the issues of marriage and parting. And instead of "till death does us part" it perhaps should be "as long as we both choose to stay." Short of that, the laws could be more straightforward, but they leave room for tons of legal maneuvering. I know a couple that spent nearly a $200,000 on legal fees and finally agreed on one thing, to fire all lawyers and draw it up themselves.

Which is back to the question, check with an attorney. From the moment the thought of divorce crosses your mind, you need to know what it means legally. For young couples, for instance, it generally doesn't mean the husband or wife gets the home. Generally neither does and they're forced to sell. That sort of sums it up. No winner. Both losers. I know one couple that decided financially they both would struggle so that they should just keep living together and dating others. Worked for them, but others weren't so happy dating when they found out the arrangement. See the attorney because I can guarantee both of you will get tons of free legal advice from friends, much of it totally wrong.

Move into the boat and claim it as a residence for taxes. It would be harder to evict you from your home to give her a toy I would think. If the judge is sucking up to her, request another. Any obvious bias is treason on a judges part. Hire a private investigator to look into connections between her lawyer and the judge. Always have dirt on the judge and the other side's lawyers, blackmail pays. A scummy lawyer will throw his client under the bus to keep his name clean. Then, if your a nice guy, give your ex the dirt so she can sue the lawyer into the ground. It worked for a friend of mine. Plus, a lawyer and a judge did hard time. That's always a plus.

You're cooked. The only question is how much goes to your ex and how much goes to the lawyers. Why don't you sue for support, half the house and everything else she owns? Not saying you'll win it, but you need leverage. Nobody ever knows what a judge will decide. It used to be that the wife got whatever she asked for whether right or wrong. These days a lot of judges have been through divorces themselves. If you get a judge who just had the screws put to him you could get a pleasant surprise. Seeing you going for the gusto may also scare her attorney for exactly that reason. Best defense is a good offense.

P.S. I've never met a lawyer that was worth diddley. YOU have to take charge and tell him what to do.

I've met some very good lawyers, but haven't dealt with divorce lawyers. Now, with any, communication is important, both ways. Problem with divorce lawyers from that standpoint is the size of retainers they want so you're out of pocket a large amount before you have any idea if you like them or can work with them. The lawyers I have met who I considered best are those you rarely if ever see in a court room. Litigators are the most problematic as they don't want to resolve issues early. Much more money to be made turning it into a major case. If both lawyers are good and the clients have any sense of reason, divorce cases do not go to trial. Actually, very few do and the judges start off angry at both sides that they didn't resolve it outside of court. Good lawyers want to solve problems, not create more.

Search out your friend who has taken the worst possible beating, and hire his wife's lawyer.

Lol, perfect.

I doubt this thread would be helpful in any case.

Now imagine if her lawyer, knowing you are an avid boater, discovers this thread?

Go quietly and get a good lawyer.
Come back on any other subject and welcome.

Just my 2c.

Have you tried talking to your wife directly, in a very civil manner and simply asked her, in the end what do you really want and why lose money fighting it over?

With kids involved, all the other things become secondary. Hiding and lying and manipulating isn't likely to work and sure could be something you regret. Maybe what I'm recommending has no chance of happening, but there are counselors now who provide divorce counseling. Honestly, you both could probably use some to get over your losses but also to help your kids, and, as well as you may think they're doing, they probably need it too. Google "How to divorce civilly" for some ideas. Go to therapists.psychologytoday.com and search under Divorce and your hometown. There are many listed in Florida.

Talk to your wife about jointly finding a way to do it civilly for the kids sake as well as your own. The kids will forever remember how you both handle it. If she's got a lawyer doing the things you've described that is very wrong. But you trying to shield a boat somehow is as well. If it must be lawyers, try to find a lawyer who is good but who also will make an effort to help you do what's in the best interest of the kids.

I don't mean to be preaching here but I do from the bottom of my heart hope the two of you can find a way to handle this. I'd also remind you both of one thing. If you ever either express hate toward the other one, then you're expressing it for a part of each child. I don't know their ages, but I do know how damaging and painful it can be for everyone. I wish you strength and the best of luck through it all.

The chances of this working would probably depend on who he has been taking to the boat.

There are plenty who remain perfectly unafraid of marriage and the lifetime of legal problems that can follow an unsuccessful marriage. I'll never forget sitting around a table with some executives when the subject came up of why I never got married.

To myself, the answer is: the system doesn't allow me to get married ... it's too unfair to men and especially men with assets.

Bottom line ... I'm split with her and thinking about the real issues (my children, the woman I loved and preservation of assets for all). It seems to me that I'm in a much better position than I would have been if I were married.

Years ago I experienced court (when we split up for a period of time with two young children). I learned way back then that step one for the man (provider) is to get out of the house, continue paying the bills and say goodbye to most joint assets. Her stuff is hers, your stuff is hers, both of your stuff is hers.

The judge makes up the rules as he goes along.

Although I've never divorced (knock wood) several of our friends have and the scenario was almost always the same, couple decides its time, they have an adult discussion about it, THEN the female half talks to a so-called friend, the friend tells her how much she's gonna get screwed if she doesn't get an attorney and then recommends one (usually one the friend has used in her divorce) and then ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE !

Hi,

Ain't that a sorry fact of life.

The person I wrote about above is in this exact situation and the only real beneficiaries will be the attorneys who seem to see it as some sort of game to see who can squeeze their clients the most.

My 940 day divorce wrapped up about two months ago. She went through two lawyers, two forensic accountants and two guardian ad litems. The day we started the whole process I offered her X dollars while buying her out of our real estate and business. After all the fighting she ended up with Y dollars(which was considerably less than my original offer of X.

Thirty days prior to our trial date(the third trial date) she asked to go to a mediator. We sat down with our lawyers and the mediator at 9:00 am. By 10:15pm we hammered out all the details and had a written agreement 48 hours later. Cumulatively we probably pissed away $750,000 on legal fees. The mediation only cost $15,000. I strongly recommend trying to mediate rather than fighting it in court. When kids are involved do you really want to let a judge decide their fate?

If you would like some serious advice from a guy who just went through hell(one heartattack to prove it) send me a pm

Bingo.

I do not have children. I may never completely understand the hardship in divorcing with children. Good luck.

Please take my comments below with a smile;

After 13 years, I gave near everything to wife one. Kept the boat and half the debt. I did miss her.

two years later, hitched again. After 5 years, Every thing was stolen from me by my second wife and her family before I moved out. What was left was debt. I stopped payment on all bills.
B$%H couldn't keep the house so in the street she went. Pavement burns on her a%^ (rear) and all as I for-casted. Mortgages were in my name only.
I never got any of my stuff (tools, cloths, dive gear, family items) back.
I hope to piss on her grave. Can You guess I don't miss her.

Sold the boats to cover personal loans and projects. Then bankrupted.
Best thing I've ever done.

I voled never to marry again. But did 4 years later. Third time is the charm.
Life is good. I'm spoiled. On a boat. Not many bills, not many assets, Rum every night.

Nobody said it was easy. But we keep trying. Alone sux.

Hi,

Wow 3 times through the traps RC.

I guess after that experience the trials and tribulations of DD ownership seem trivial.