Cruising: Family blessing or curse?

CRUISING: FAMILY BLESSING OR CURSE?

I had the blessing of growing up on the water. I was the oldest of four children and my father was a single parent. My father, busy as he was, valued the time he spent with his children. In fact, he made it a priority. We spent virtually every weekend and weeks on end during the summer months on the Appleseed cruising and exploring together as a family. We journeyed from Crystal River FL to Key West and just about every port in between at one point or another. Along the way we as children developed a strong sense of team work, responsibility and sense of accomplishment that few other experiences could rival. The strong bonds that were forged between us remain to this very day and we all fondly reflect upon those formative years with a deep sense of gratitude. We shared a blessed and charmed childhood to be sure.
Now as I just turn fifty I reflect back on the experience my own family has enjoyed on the water. Ginger and I, along with our two children Carolyn and Brandon have plied the same cruising grounds I did as a child. Boating, fishing and cruising had always been a major facet of our lives. Indeed we have been blessed in so many ways.
Yet unlike my childhood years I have come to understand that the blessings on the water with my family are not automatic. All is not bliss and joy. The rosy images of childhood have given way to the reality of four imperfect human beings each with his or her own expectations of the “mission” being totally different. Alas, time and experience has unveiled that they have their own desires, talents, expectations, fears and shortcomings. So it is in this context that it should be immediately obvious that for all the cruising life offers in terms of blessing there too lurks opportunity for conflict.
Therefore the challenge becomes how to nurture an onboard environment of teamwork, trust and camaraderie that will endure the tempests of life. Moreover, conflict is unavoidable. How do we as captains, fathers, husbands (or captains, wives and mothers) handle these not so picture perfect moments to further strengthen the bonds that hold our precious families together as a cohesive and functioning unit at sea?
In my experience the single most important attribute that I possess as an effective captain is communication. In fact, as I reflect back on the “disasters” of the past, the common denominator in almost all instances was my failure to be an effective communicator. Whenever my wife has cast “that glare” toward the bridge it betrays an area where I could have been a better communicator. Wherever one of the kids (now young adults) had degenerated into any manner of expressed frustration, there laid some role of unclear expectations.
So I am ever working on my ability as an effective communicator. I endeavor to think ahead and try, to the best of my ability anticipate and communicate accordingly. I have learned to take nothing for granted. Even the most straight forward dockings can degenerate into grand feuds and spectacles if I assume everyone is on the same page. My family can read my mind no better than I can theirs. So I am learning (it is a lifelong process) to always be sensitive to this fact.
Of course, not everything can be anticipated. Not every squall is foreseen. Not every piece of equipment so thoroughly understood as to predict its failure. Stuff happens. This is especially true in the cruising world where variables boldly declare themselves normative. So how do we effectively lead our families, our crews when the unexpected knocks? Trust is paramount. Our crew must trust us and trust our judgment. We cultivate trust over a lifetime and I believe that the more skilled we are at communicating the more trust we earn. If we have a history of being calm and cool when the stuff hits the fan, this will pay dividends in the future. For example, I have learned not to express my frustration in unbridled fashion when a passage is beset with snotty weather or mechanical mishap. I have learned that shouting and throwing things does not instill confidence. I have to be intentional about being aware of the perceptions of those observing me. That is, my behavior has a huge impact on my crew and can spell the difference between a calm and confident crew versus a distressed and frazzled crew. As captain, my behavior plays a huge role in setting the tempo of any cruise. (Fatty Goodlander had a great article about this a few months ago).
So where am I going with this? I strongly believe that cruising can have an enormous positive impact in developing and maintaining strong family bonds and further provide our children with invaluable skills in communication, problem solving and teamwork that will benefit them throughout their adult lives. In fact, my childhood on the water has largely shaped who I am today. However, there is more to it them simply hopping onboard and setting a course. Without proper consideration a dream can become a nightmare. But with effort, forethought, planning and communication we might ensure that our passion is shared by all.
I would love to hear your thoughts on what makes for an effective and happy family crew!
Blessings,
John Moritz

Thanks, we'll do